I owe you one
by Megan-212
Summary: NOT MY STORY. I saw it on Deviant Art. Original by Sashasalsa13.  Tobuscus.3
1. Chapter 1

I love Nate so goddamn much. Seriously. I came to school today, on my 15th birthday, and was completely ignored by everyone I walked by, once again. I had to push through the middle of a tonguing session between a Grade 11 and her creep of a boyfriend, just to get to my locker. But what did I see hanging in the back when I unlocked it, today? A Thunder Thursday Tobuscus shirt. There was note attached to it that said, "Nate loves you, hun."  
>My hand flew up to my mouth and I stared in awe for a minute or two. By the time I managed to make my limbs work again, everyone had cleared the hallways and hurried to class. I dropped my bag in front of my wide open locker, grabbed the t-shirt, and sprinted down the hallway towards the bathroom. There was a girl occupying one of the stalls, but I seriously did not care. I ripped my jacket and my tank off, and stuffed my huge-ass head through the brand new neck hole of these gorgeous top. When the girl emerged from her stall, she stopped in her tracks and cocked her head a little to the left while she glared at me with confusion. She was looking at a tall, slightly stalky 15-year-old in a gray graphic tee, with streams of tears running down her cheeks – turned black from the running catliner. Without switching my glance from the mirror, I murmured the words, "Toby'll sign it in Sharpie. When I get to Vidcon. Black Sharpie. Straight across the front." I decided I'd turn to face the girl, "I just need to get through Finals week. One more week. That's all. Then I'll be there. With him. One more week."<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

I haven't been on a plane since I went on a family vacation to Mexico, seven years ago. The plane ride to LAX was around a hundred times more exciting than the last, that's for sure. The whole time I was making up scenarios in my head about what it would be like meeting all my favourite people on the planet - all my heroes – within the same two days. And making up different possibilities as to what I could say to them when I do meet them was stressful. Every once in a while, I'd catch my lips moving, I was thinking so intensely. Thank God for my wonderful mother who agreed to take me to California to make my dreams come true. I really can't believe this is happening, still.  
>The list of people I want to meet is endless: Ian and Anthony, Katers17, SMPfilms, MGM, NicePeter, Sean Klitzner, Jack Douglass, Charles and Alli, iJustine, Charlie McDonnell, Julian Smith, but most importantly, Toby goddamn Turner. Nate knew very well that I was going to Vidcon as soon as I finished my Finals, so he bought me a Thunder Thursday shirt. My number one goal is to find Toby, have him sign this top, then take a picture with him to keep forever. Then maybe follow him around for a bit.<br>Exiting the airport and checking in at our hotel room was no problem. Actually sleeping once I settled down for the night was the real issue. Overwhelming excitement plus my insane imagination equals two hours of sleep. But my mum and I found a Starbucks in the morning, no big deal. There was one right across the road.  
>I actually saw him through the window before I even entered the shop. I guess my brain told me that I was just being dumb and it wasn't actually him, but really, if you think about it, it's 8am on a Friday. The Friday that Vidcon begins. And we were at a Starbucks. Right beside the convention centre in which the event will be taking place in less than a half hour. But Toby Turner was sitting in the window of this coffee house on his Macbook with earbuds in, and an iced coffee in his right hand. His phone was sitting on the counter next to him, he was wearing a Turquoise Tuesday shirt and his glasses with the rectangle lenses. And his hair…oh my God, his hair. Sol was shinning ever so brightly right behind Toby's head, and it made his glasses sparkle. His hair fell over his forehead in perfect little swirls and-<br>"HEY." My mum barked. "I said, what do you want?"  
>"Coffee, muffin." I rushed to give her my order so I could go back to staring at the most beautiful man on the face of the earth.<br>"What the HELL are you examining so intensely?" she complained into my ear.  
>I ignored her. My feet decided that they didn't want to stand in one spot anymore, so they slowly waddled over to Toby, making me look like I had some kind of mental disability. My arm decided that it wanted to try to reach out and touch Toby's shoulder. But my brain took over for a second, a very brief second. My brain made me perk up at the sound of the gunshot, and my brain made me widen my eyes to find where it came from. A short, round man from across the street had a black pistol in his hand. The bullet he shot ended up bouncing off the curb right outside the window Toby was sitting in. It was then, that something terrible crossed my mind. What if the next one he shoots ends up in Toby. I couldn't let that happen. My body took over again. I was in the air when the second gunshot when off. My eyes were closed but I knew exactly what was going to happen next, by the sound of the glass shattering directly in front of my face. A shock of excruciating pain struck my right hip as my body smacked against the windowsill and spun onto the floor at Toby's foot.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

I had my glance fixed on a piece of already-been-chewed gum that had been stuck to the bottom of the table. The pain in my hip was making my right leg twitch uncontrollably, but I told myself to just focus on something and stare, hoping that would somehow ease the pain. It didn't really work. A sudden realization popped into my head that certainly did ease the pain, though. There was a couple short curls of sandy coloured hair that bounced up and down in my peripheral vision. I ripped my gaze from the pink wad of gum to check it out. Toby! Oh my God, Toby! Did I actually forget about him, already? I basically reached the climax of my life a couple seconds before the gunshot, and I actually forgot about the fact that I was a couple of inches away from him? The thing is, I was not happy to see Toby at all; I was in fact, extremely upset. There were tears streaming down his gorgeous face and my heart stopped. Why? I remember seeing him do this in an interview when he admitted that his mum was sick, but that was a gentle, quiet sadness. This was horrific screaming, face reddened, eyes widened, panicked sadness.  
>Wait a second, WHY THE HELL CAN'T I HEAR WHAT HE'S SAYING? Is my hearing gone? I thought to myself.<br>Toby seemed to be holding on to something, but I wasn't sure what. I strained my neck to follow his arm down to where his hands were, and they were both pressing – hard – into my hip's wound. His body leaned in closer to my face as his words and his expressions seemed to get more and more panicky by the second. I really wanted to respond to whatever he was trying to ask me, but all I could hear was buzzing, so I just shook my head a few times. That's all I could manage. He squeezed his eyes shut and keeled over my side, pressing even harder on my hip. I couldn't really comprehend that he was pressing on it before, but I could really feel it now. The pain was so extreme, I blacked out. Not before I took a mental picture of the crowd of people encircling the table Toby and I were under. There was terror and tears on every one of their faces.


	4. Chapter 4

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…  
>I didn't have to open my eyes to know where I was. I'd seen enough Grey's Anatomy to know that sound pretty damn well. I tried to open them, anyways, and got an unpleasant brightness beaming in my face. After squinting at the ceiling for a few minutes, I let my head fall to the side.<br>"Wait…" I murmured to myself, I can hear the beeping! Thank God I'm not deaf.  
>You'd think a billion things would be going through my head, but the first thing I thought of was: Why am I wearing a paper gown? Where's my Thunder Thursday shirt! Oh my God, it has a hole at the hip and blood stains all over it now, doesn't it? Shit!<br>I thought I'd try sitting up. Yep, pain. LOTS of pain. I couldn't help myself: I lifted my sheets and my gown to see the condition of my wound. There was seven stitches and it looked pretty clean. Not too gross. I let my right leg hang out of the bed and tried sitting up again. Yes, there was pain, but it was mild. I mean, not paper-cut mild, but more like, ripped-tendon mild, as opposed to the ripping-flesh-off-my-own-body pain that I was experiencing before. When I got my torso to be completely vertical, I noticed something at the foot of my bed. My vision was still kind of blurry, so it just looked like a black blog at first. I reached out to pick it up, and gasped when I touched it. Suddenly, I didn't care about the pain. It was my Thunder Thursday shirt. A gray ladies' tee with TOBUSCUS across the bust. There was no bullet hole. There was no blood stains. It was a fresh shirt. And every inch of the thing had been written on in a black Sharpie. It said things like,  
>"You are so loved." And,<br>"Please feel better soon."  
>But most importantly, it was covered in Toby's signature. He had ran home to get me a new shirt, wrote all over it, folded it up, and put it at the foot at my bed. Is he legitimately perfect, or what? Wait…how long was I asleep for?<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

I whipped my head to face the door when it opened, so fast, that my neck cracked. On an impulse, I rolled my head a few times to get the kink out, but then turned to the strange nurse. I had so many questions, but I thought I'd start small.  
>"Hi…where's my family?"<br>She smiled. Her eyes seemed to twinkle, almost. It gave me a good feeling, like she had some positive news to answer my question with.  
>"You mean your mum and your brother? They said they were going to go get some food from the caf for dinner."<br>There were quite a few things wrong with that sentence. First of all, I don't have a brother. Secondly, it was 8am just a couple minutes ago…how are they eating dinner now? And also, why are they eating caf food? I don't want caf food. Is that what she's going to feed me?  
>"Are you hungry, dear? There's some Jell-o waiting to be eaten down the hall, if you'd like some."<br>I shook my head. I really wanted to blurt out, "BRING ME MY MOMMY. AND WHERE'S TOBY?" But I didn't. I just smiled and shook my head again.  
>"I'll let your mum know you're awake."<br>I guess I must have drifted off to sleep, or maybe I blacked out, I don't know. But I didn't wake up in the same bed. I could tell before I was even fully awake, because this one was a hundred times more cushiony and comfortable. When I finally got myself to open my eyes again, I braced myself for the unpleasant brightness of the hospital's ceiling lights. I was instead given the natural yellow glow of Sol warming the room and calming my mind. My hip seemed to be feeling better than the last time I woke up, but it was still very sore. I tried sitting up again.  
>"Oh my God…"<br>I couldn't stop myself from gasping out loud. I was not in the hospital anymore, this was definitely a bedroom. The room itself gave a welcoming, reassuring vibe. Everything in the room was perfectly placed, and there was a giant mirror on the wall at the end of the bed. I didn't recognize myself at first. My auburn hair had not been washed in a few days and was knotted beyond belief. I seemed to be an unhealthy shade of pale white, and my eyes had seemed to have puffed up.  
>"Maddy?"<br>I hadn't heard anyone say my name in a while, so this startled me a bit. A knock on the door followed the call and I muttered, "Come in."  
>Toby stood in the door frame with a huge grin on his face. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I noticed right away that he was wearing his Shadow Saturday shirt. Did I sleep through Vidcon? Did he go to Vidcon?<br>"You're awake! You've been asleep for two days. Are you okay? How's your hip? Are you hungry? Can I get you something?"  
>I couldn't believe what was happening to me. Toby Turner was offering to get me food. Then I did a very, very dumb thing. He just asked me a thousand questions that he needed answers to, and I responded with something that randomly crossed my mind:<br>"Oh my God, am I in your bed?"  
>I hoped out from under the duvet and my leg screamed in pain. I started to fall, but Toby caught me.<br>"Yes, that's my bed. I've been sleeping on the couch. Your mom couldn't afford to pay the medical bills anymore, so I paid them and took you out of the recovery room to recover here."  
>He gave me another huge grin, and used the arm that wasn't holding me up to scoop up my legs. Toby Turner is carrying me. Toby Turner is carrying me. Toby Turner is carrying me. He plopped me on the couch and turned on the TV.<br>"Please let me feed you something. You must be starving. How about a pudding cup? I have butterscotch!"  
>This was going to be the most exciting pudding cup ever.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Toby held his hand out to me to help me up so I could get to the dinner table later that day.  
>"No, Toby!" my mother demanded, "Let her try to get up herself."<br>"Alright…" he replied, "I'm here if you fall."  
>Of course that statement made me grin uncontrollably, since I'm such a sucker for sweet boys. Especially this one, in particular, that's for sure. I used the arm of the couch to prop myself up on my left leg and used my right foot's toes to balance myself. Every time my leg twitched, Toby would spring out to catch me, assuming I would fall, and my heart would skip a beat each time he did so. But in the end, I did it. I had to lean on Toby's forearm to get myself to the table, though. Mum wasn't letting him carry me anymore. She said I needed to practice using my leg again, as soon as possible.<br>As it turned out, I woke up on Sunday. I had slept through not only Vidcon, but also my flight home. My mum was sleeping in the spare bed, and Toby was sleeping on the couch. As a 'Thanks for saving my life' type movement, Toby offered to pay to reschedule our flight. But when he went online to do it for us with my mum yesterday, they decided that they'd book it for Wednesday. I've got three full days to hang out with Toby Turner. This was so unbelievable.  
>The next morning, I woke up at 6:30am. I managed to get out of bed without assistance, and decided that I'd help myself to some Special K that I knew was in the kitchen's cupboard. I limped down the hallway as quietly as I could, but still managed to scare Toby, who was sitting in the middle of the living room carpet on his Macbook, editing a lazyvlog.<br>"You tell your audience that you don't wake up until noon, y'know." I pointed out to him.  
>"Well, that's a lie, er, a joke I guess." He explained, "If I were to wake up at noon every day, I'd be staying up until 2am editing, and I don't wanna do that."<br>"You old man" I whispered to myself, smiling like crazy again as he replied in his Grandpa Buscus voice. I got myself the cereal I wanted, and sat in a chair from the kitchen facing Toby.  
>"So listen, Belly." He started calling me Belly when he found out my middle name is Isabella, "I spoke with your dad over the phone last night."<br>I really had no idea where this is going. I started to panic a little bit, and I felt my face flush. I just nodded.  
>"I suggested an idea to your mum on Saturday, while you were asleep, and I wanted to run it by dad before I mentioned it to you. Since he didn't have a problem with it, here it is…"<br>What the hell. What's going on, I'm scared now.  
>"I was trying to think of a way that I could somehow repay you. Y'know, since you saved my life and all. I knew that the shirt was nowhere near enough, and I knew I needed to do something that would have a lasting impression. I knew that you just finished school, I knew that you really wanted to meet me, and I knew that you didn't have any huge plans for the summer. So Belly, how would you like to spend this summer vacation with me?"<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

I knew that I didn't hear him right.  
>"Sorry?"<br>"I said, how would you like to spend your vacation with me?" Toby repeated.  
>No, I apparently did hear him right. I slowly rose out of my chair with my eyes fixed on his. He gave a little smirk and sat up from his computer. I limped as fast as I could over to him, plopped into his lap, and I hugged him as hard as I could. My face was right next to his ear, so I paid special attention to making sure that I didn't whimper out loud. Instead, I let my tears fall onto the back of his Flamin' Friday shirt. I squeezed my eyes shut so I didn't let anymore tears fall, but then I broke. I broke down into a sobbing mess. I was sniffing and giggling and I felt my eyes turn red, but I didn't care.<br>"Wow, I guess that was a good idea then, huh?" He was laughing now; laughing with me.  
>I didn't want to stop hugging him, but I eventually slid down to curl up in his lap so he could continue editing. It only took a couple minutes of listening to the clicking of his mouse and the clacking of his keyboard to lull me back to sleep again.<br>"So this is how it's going to work," my mum explained to me over lunch out at Denny's, "You're going to come home on Wednesday with me as originally planned, but Toby's going to tag along. Your dad and your sister are going to spend a couple days with him, just to get to know him a little better. Then on Friday, you and Toby are going to fly back to LA together."  
>"Yeah, I've got quite a bit planned for next week that I'm sure you're going to love," Toby smiled at me. Is he just always smiling, or does it just seem like that? "I have to rap in Jack's new music video. We have to record, which is kinda boring, but then we get to film. Jack said that he could totally put you in the video if that's something that might interest you."<br>Toby went on for about twenty minutes or so, on just next week's plans. I realized that none of this had fully sunk in yet. I was going to spend my entire summer vacation hanging out with Toby Turner. Sleeping in his house, eating with him for every single meal, tagging along to all his little Youtube parties, being in his lazyvlogs, helping him edit his CWFs. This was literally going to be the best two months of my entire life, including my future. Nothing at all can top this. Nothing.


	8. Chapter 8

I stood there, smiling as I watched him walk in circles around his backyard with his iPhone while he filmed himself, lazyvlogging. My smile got swept off my face as soon as my hip caved in and started to bleed. I fell over, against the glass. I felt like I was going to die. I panicked and my heart rate started to speed up. I was soaking in a puddle of my own blood. I was bawling, now. I pounded my fists on the glass door and started screaming Toby's name. Toby spun around, alarm on his face. He started running toward me, but the same man who shot me at Vidcon popped up from behind the fence with that same black pistol and aimed at Toby. I couldn't hear him scream, but I knew he did because of the terrible, mouth-open expression he displayed. He keeled over, sobbing and bleeding.  
>"TOBY! TOBY NO!" I cried. I squeezed my eyes shut and lost it. I wept for what seemed like an hour, before I found the courage to look up again; look at Toby's condition. I was going to die soon, anyways. Surely I would since I'd lost about a gallon of blood. I raised my head, very slowly and opened my eyes. Surprisingly, everything was dark. Did I fall asleep? It took about thirty seconds for my eyes to adjust, but it suddenly occurred to me that I was staring him right in the face. I was taken aback for a second, but then muttered to myself<br>"Crazy-ass dream…"  
>I remember now…when Toby and I got home from the airport on Friday after visiting my family and packing for the summer, it was really late, so he put on a movie. I curled up on the lovesack, and he laid down on the couch. A few minutes passed and I started to feel a burning sensation in my right hip. I ignored it because I was too tired to move from my fetal position, but it got gradually worse and worse.<br>"Tuh-Toby?" I stuttered. I guess the pain in my voice worried him because he leaped up off the couch immediately.  
>"What's wrong? Is it your hip?"<br>I nodded and he crouched down beside me.  
>"Can I have a look?"<br>I nodded again. Just the glow of the TV was enough to see how red and swollen my scarring wound was. I guess sitting in that position was a pretty terrible idea. Toby looked up at me to examine my expression. I gave him a confused and slightly hurt look.  
>"How does it feel if I do this?" He suggested. He took his left hand and cupped it around my injured hip. I gave him a small grin and Toby sighed in relief. He took his hand away and got up to check the time.<br>"2am. Isn't it past your bedtime, young lady?" He put his hands on his hips and jokingly glared down at me. I giggled and closed my eyes. And that's the last thing I could remember.  
>Now, he was curled up beside me with his left handed cupping my right hip, and his forehead rested on mine. He looks like an angel when he's sleeping. His eyes were shut, but I could see they were moving around behind his lids. He was dreaming. I wonder what of. He wore a very subtle smirk on his mouth, and every so often his nostrils would flare for a few seconds. The back of my hands were propped up against his chest, which very calmingly moved up and down, up and down as he breathed in and out. He then made a sudden movement that startled me. He nudged the bridge of his nose into mine and stayed there. They were like adorable little puzzle pieces. I didn't want to wake him; it would have been like waking a sleeping kitten. I nudged him back and fell into a deep sleep. Tomorrow was going to be the first day of my California summer journey with Toby.<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

"Belly…Bellllly. Belly. Belly. Bellybellybelly."  
>I opened my eyes and expected to see Toby's body curled up beside mine, but instead, he was standing up. His hair was wet, and he had different clothes on. He held Griffin on a leash and was using his other hand to shake me awake.<br>"I'm taking Griffin for a walk. Do you want to come or stay here by yourself?"  
>I felt really gross. I just came from the airport a few hours ago. I really wanted to go shower and change my clothes like Toby already had. But then again, I really wanted to walk with Toby. I knew that he was going to Starbucks because, well, he's Toby. And I really wanted a coffee. Hmm…shower or coffee, shower or coffee…<br>"I'll pass. I've got airport-ness on me, still. It needs to be scrubbed off."  
>"Don't blame you, airports are icky. I'll be around forty minutes, don't miss me too much. Have a nice shower and don't fall!" He yelled the last part so I heard it while he closed the door behind him. I didn't move until I heard his key turn the lock.<br>It took me a couple minutes to get on my feet. I'm getting used to this soreness, now. It doesn't feel too bad anymore, it's just kind of annoying. I managed to shower without killing myself, and I unpacked all my bags into the drawers of the spare room. I brought some picture frames with me, so I didn't have to worry about forgetting any faces. I wouldn't be seeing them for two months. I had one of my little sister, one of my mum and dad together, and one of my best friend and I. She gave me this picture for my 13th birthday. It was a large, sleek black frame with a white mat. It was one of those cheesy quad-photos that you can take in the Photobooth app that comes with all Macs. I hung that one up on the wall. That was the moment when I really made the spare room, my room. It was like I managed to sneak a piece of my home over the border and it made me feel warm and happy inside. Maybe I should call her and tell her I got here okay…  
>Suddenly, there was a noise from the front of the house. It scared me, but then griffin padded into the room and I knew it was just Toby.<br>"Belly? Where are you? I brought you an iced coffee!"  
>Later that day, Toby took me to Jack's. I love Jack, so I was pretty pumped. Convertibuscus had the roof down and we were blasting music like obnoxious bastards. Toby started giggling when I took his phone which was plugged into the speakers, and played Nugget in a Biscuit. We rolled up to Jack's house screaming that song as loud as we could, to see if we could get him to come outside. He did, and he was laughing, too. Toby turned off the car.<br>"Jack, meet Belly. Belly, meet Jack."  
>"Belly?" Jack asked, "I thought you said her name was Maddy."<br>"Yeah, but then I found out that her middle name is Isabella, so I screwed around with it until I got Belly. She likes it though, don't ya, hun?" He ruffled my hair and I ruffled his back.  
>"Of course I do," I beamed at him. "I'll love anything you call me."<br>On Sunday, Toby took me out to dinner. He told me that I needed to wear something nice, because the restaurant was "fancier than most." I have a brown and cream plaid sundress that I packed to take on this adventure that I wore. I used my black sandals with the roses on the toes to match. I put a little extra makeup on and put my hair up.  
>"Oh my…you look gorgeous…" Toby stood in the lobby on his phone, waiting for me.<br>"You look pretty damn gorgeous, yourself," he was wearing a blue dress shirt and a skinny black tie with black pants. I didn't know guys could dress like this without the help of their girlfriends.  
>"C'mon, we're going to be late," he winked at me, "I made reservations, but this place is pretty strict with its tables."<br>"So why are we going out, anyway?" I asked  
>"I have something very important and very exciting to tell you, and I figured that I should set up a nice venue to do it in."<br>Okay, now I'm excited.


	10. Chapter 10

"First of all…"  
>"First of all…what?" I waited for Toby to finish, but he didn't. So I opened the door to get in the car. There was a box of tees in the way, so I casually placed them in the backseat and got in the passenger's. Toby plopped himself in the car next to me and gave me a toothy grin.<br>"First of all, what!" I repeated. Toby jerked his head toward the backseat. I looked back there, but all I saw was the Tobuscus Tees. He nudged me, so I picked up the box and put it on my lap. I pulled one out – a purple lady's tee – and held it up in front of me. I had to do a double take. The front of the t-shirt had the Tobuscus font, but it didn't say Tobuscus. It said Bellybuscus.  
>"First of all, I'm making Bellybuscus a thing. I tweeted about it, made it a Facebook Fanpage, made a tab on my website for it, and now I'm selling those in my online store. That box is for you, though. One of every shirt and every sweater in each colour, in your size. You saved my life, Maddy. I'm not going to just let that go."<br>When we got to the restaurant, the greeter sat us at our adorable little two-person table. There was a velvety red table cloth hung over the table, and about a thousand sets of cutlery.  
>"Since Bellybuscus is a thing now, I've had tons of fans asking to see you. Will you start being in my lazyvlogs?" Toby looked even more amazing in this dim candlelight.<br>"Of course!" I said that way louder than I wanted to. "Whatever you want."  
>"No," Toby shook his head and opened his menu, "It's not whatever I want. It's whatever you want. I'm coming up with these suggestions because you're too nice to ask for anything. I have to use my knowledge of you to guess what may make you happy. You seem to be a fairly bubbly person, and you're definitely very fun to be around, so I thought you might enjoy being in my videos every once in a while. Or if you like, more than every once in a while."<br>"Well then. I would love to be in your lazyvlogs. And maybe you could squeeze me into the next few Cute Win Fails, and let me watch you when you're recording games for your gaming channel."  
>Toby gave me an adorable squeaky laugh and continued to flip the pages of the menu.<br>"Absolutely, babe. After all, I owe you one.".


	11. Chapter 11

I'm so glad I decided to bring my computer on this trip. I get to stay in contact with my friends. I was typing away at my keyboard, answering the billions of facebook friends' question about Toby, when he yelled,  
>"I'M GOING IN THE SHOWER. DON'T MISS ME TOO MUCH, I'LL ONLY BE 10 MINUTES."<br>"Mkay, I'LL TRY!" I responded. I love it when he says that, he can always put a smile on my face so easily. I put my apple earbuds back in my ears, and continued to type. It was only about two or three minutes later, I heard a noise coming from the other room. I ignored it at first because I thought it was Griffin, but then it occurred to me that he was sitting at my feet. I took my earbuds out and noticed that the shower was still going. Who the hell was making that noise if Toby's in the shower and Griffin's with me? Just then, a familiar voice called out,  
>"Attention, Buscuses! You have company!"<br>My heart stopped. Who was that? It was a female's voice for sure, so before I responded, I went through all the women Toby knows who may know about me. I mean, I'm assuming she knew about me since she just referred to us as the "Buscuses." His mum? His sister? Tanya? Oh, maybe it was Ciara? I got up and started to tiptoe down the hallway.  
>"Hello? I can hear the shower going!" The voice really scared me that time. I decided that I'd just come right out from the hallway in a casual walk. Oh my God!<br>"Justine! Hi!" I yelled, again, much louder than I hoped to.  
>"Hey! You must be Belly! I came by to see you!" She threw her arms out for a hug. I didn't care about keeping my cool anymore. I sprinted across the living room and threw myself around her waist. My heart was going like mad. I love her. Almost as much as I love Toby, but I didn't get to meet him like this. I recognized the back of his head before my morning coffee, then got shot and blacked out. Not quite the same thing as if he were to walk into my house and ask for a hug, then tell me he came to see me, and…is that a gift for me in her hand?<br>"Maddy, I love Toby to death. I've seen the security footage of you saving his life. You managed to catch the bullet with your hip, but if nobody had done anything, it would have gone straight through his heart. The last time I had seen him, we left off on a, um…not very nice note." We were sitting on the couch, now, and she had my right hand in her left, and was using her right to tuck my red hair behind my ear.  
>"If he was killed by that bullet, I would still be locked in my room, crying. I'm so, eternally grateful for your bravery and I'd just like you to know that I'm here if you need anything. Anything at all. Ever. Can I see your phone?" I pulled it out of my back pocket. I watched her punch her number into my contacts list. She did it in about twenty seconds from the home screen, including her first and last name. It made me think back to when Steve Jobs died, and she was so upset. She put the phone back in my hand and closed my fingers around it.<br>"Now listen," she was standing now, pulling her tank back over her hips where it had ridden up from sitting on the couch. "I don't want to be here for when Toby gets out of the shower. Like I said, we last left off on a bad note. I'm not ready to talk to him, yet. I just wanted to see you."  
>"Okay." I smiled, "You better get going, then. He said he'd be ten minutes about ten minutes ago." We said our goodbyes, I thanked her for everything, and closed the door. When I turned around, I noticed she had left the gift on the coffee table. It was a medium-sized polka dotted bag with baby blue tissue paper poking out of the top. I grabbed the bag, ran down the hallway to my room and jumped on the bed. I reached in the bag and pulled out the most beautiful pair of headphones I've ever seen in my entire life. They looked like one of those cushioned pairs that has to be put in glass cases in the really fancy electronics stores. The speakers on either side were a gorgeous shade of turquoise with a chocolate brown leather arch that sat on the top of my head. I plugged them into my laptop and shuffled my playlist. They were such high quality; they could have easily been $300.00. I didn't know that a teenager could genuinely fall in love with an inanimate object, but I definitely did. After about twenty minutes of pure, noise-canceling bliss, Griffin jumped onto my lap and scared the shit out of me. I raised an eyebrow at him. He hates being picked up and he never voluntarily cuddles.<br>"Oh, is it your dinner time?" I scratched his ear and he jumped off again. My eyes followed him. He walked out the door and into the hallway and he sat down right outside the bathroom. I giggled and took my headphones off. Then, it hit me. The shower was still going. I threw my chair back so hard; it hit the wall and bounced off the bed. I sprinted out of the room and slid across the hardwood floor of the hall. Like me, Toby was taught to not lock the door when you're showering in case something like this happened. I flung the door open and hoped over to the shower. The water was running and the curtain was closed. I gulped,  
>"Toby?"<br>No response. I grabbed hold of the edge of the curtain, but was way too terrified to pull on it. Okay, three, two…one!  
>"TOBY!" His face was coated in blood.<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

The water was beating down on Toby's chest, making the blood that was pouring from his forehead, run off his neck. He slipped. I turned off the water and sat him upright against the wall. I reached back and grabbed a towel, then pressed as hard as I could into his wound. Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod he's gonna die he's gonna die – wait…is he already dead? The thought terrified me, but if he had been lying here like this for twenty minutes already, then it was definitely not impossible. I used the hand that was on the tub's edge, holding me up, to balance myself while I lowered my head to his chest. I pressed my ear against the middle of his ribcage and waited…  
>"Huuuu…" I made a noise I didn't know I could make while I exhaled, then I just didn't inhale. I let my upper body just hang there, in the bathtub, still leaning on Toby's chest. At this point, I couldn't actually tell if my face was wet because Toby was, or because I was crying. Probably both. My mind clicked and started to pick up on a thumping. I thought it was my own heart, beating loudly because I was scared, but it seemed to be coming from Toby! I very carefully, making sure I didn't move the towel, reached into my back pocket and grabbed my phone. For the first time ever, I clicked Emergency Call and typed in, 911.<br>I sat in the waiting room, waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. It occurred to me that not too long ago, Justine had come by to tell me that she was thankful I saved Toby. But now, I've potentially killed Toby. I'm such an idiot. I've done everything wrong. If I would just think about someone other than myself for once…if I had taken off my headphones for just a second, just to see if Toby had gotten out of the shower okay…he was lying there for twenty fucking minutes. How could he not be dead? I should probably call someone, tell them what's happened. Like his mum…  
>"Maddy?" A man in a white lab coat slowly emerged from behind the wooden doors the flung Toby through on his stretcher. "Oh hi, sweetie. You can go see him now."<br>"Wait…he's alive? He's okay?" I screeched, again, much louder than I wanted to. But right now, I really didn't care. I leaped out of my chair, shoved the doctor out of the way, got a few steps down the hallway, then realized I had no idea where I was going. I looked back to see the doctor was smiling at me.  
>"227!" He laughed. I looked to my left to see a door that said 128. Second floor, then? I rushed toward the stairwell, ran up until I saw a door, and sprinted down the hall. 219, 221, 223, 225, 227! I slammed into the door, turned the doorknob, and burst into the room. Then I froze.<br>He was white. His eyes were closed. His smile was gone. His lips weren't pink anymore. His hair didn't fall in perfect little swirls anymore. He wasn't tapping his foot or wiggling his fingers or talking to himself anymore. His head had fallen to the side and hung in sadness. A big square of gauze was taped to the left side of his forehead. His eyes very gradually turned to slits, and his smile reappeared. You'd think it would match the rest of his body; hurt, limp, and unlike him. No, it was his big adorable toothy grin. When I threw my hand up to my mouth and started crying, he gave me his adorable squeaky laugh to match. Then, just like Justine, he stretched his arms out, looking for a hug. I walked over to his bedside and stood there, looking down at him, letting my tears drip down onto his sheets. I slid out of my flip-flops, got under the covers, and pressed myself against his body. I wasn't at all cold, but I was shivering like crazy. Toby wrapped his arms around me and I drifted off to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

When I opened my eyes, it was dark still. Toby's arm rested on my shoulder, I didn't want to move it. He looked so comfortable. I strained my neck to find a clock. Nothing. I managed to pry my phone out of my back pocket and found the time on my home screen: 4:14am. Ew. I need to get up, don't I? As carefully as I could manage, I lifted his arm and gently set it down on the bed, then wandered off towards the caf for some food. I've always hated hospitals. There are unhappy people everywhere; panicking and rushing people flood the halls. But right now, the hallway consisted of a girl about my age, jogging with a bouquet of flowers in her arms and a huge smile on her face, plus a janitor at the end of the hall. That's it. I sat in the caf for what seemed like ten minutes, just thinking and nibbling on a pretty gross croissant I picked up. I took out my phone again to check the time: 5:42am. The sun was starting to come up and I didn't even notice. I started to make my way back upstairs.  
>When I got to the room, I stopped and just observed Toby and all his gorgeousness. He lay there, stiller than ever, but looking much healthier. His previously white skin had changed to his regular pinky-tanned skin. His eyes no longer squeezed shut; now peacefully rested instead. Then I knew: he was going to be just fine.<br>I lay – very awkwardly – sprawled across the couch on my laptop while Toby slumped in the love sack. We were chatting without looking at each other,  
>"Y'know," I poked him with my toe, "Griffin saved your life, not me. He jumped on my lap to catch my attention, then went and sat outside the bathroom. I guess he could sense you were in trouble."<br>Toby put his laptop on the ground, jumped up from the sack and sprung towards Griffie.  
>"WHO'S MY LITTLE SAVIOUR!" He screeched, "YOU ARE! M'YES YOU ARE!" He scooped him up from his bed and started kissing his head while I giggled. I pulled out my phone and started to film him dancing around the living room with Griffin held above his head while he continued to babytalk him.<br>"Aaaand, uploaded." I chuckled.  
>"Wait, what? WHAT? WHERE?"<br>"Your vlog channel. You left it logged in on my Youtube app."  
>"OH MY GOD!" Toby put Griffin down and the poor thing sprinted out of sight. When I took my eyes off the dog to look back at Toby, he was basically already on top of me, trying to grab the phone out of my hand.<br>"GIMME! GIVE IT BACK!"  
>"LET IT BE! LET THE AUDIENCE EXPERIENCE YOU BEING CUTE WITH YOUR DOG! IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!"<br>He stopped reaching for the phone and rolled off the couch onto the floor. There was a couple minutes of heavy breathing, then suddenly, he broke out into laughter. I was so happy to see him back to normal. Hanging over the edge of the tub and losing my cool over what I thought was Toby's dead body was the worst experience of my life.


	14. Chapter 14

"OMG SO CUUUUUUTE! Why does he have to be so cute? Adorable. I just died. Are you kidding, is this real? Man's best friend." I read the comments flowing in about the new video, while Toby lay flat on the ground, staring at the ceiling.  
>"See? I told you this would benefit you. You are killing all these girls with your cuteness. You just gained a couple thousand fans. I'll bet there'll be a dozen gifs from this 13 second video up on tumblogs all over the world in a few minutes." Toby sat up on his elbows and raised one of his eyebrows at me. My mother always used to do that to me whenever I was in trouble for doing something bad.<br>"Tumblr? Do you have a Tumblr account?" His voice got higher.  
>"Uhumm…I used to." I lied through my teeth.<br>"Oh. Could you explain it to me? 'Cause I really don't understand the point of it." He shuffled himself across the floor and over to my shoulder to face my laptop's screen. I didn't get to answer the question, I guess it was rhetorical  
>I spent about an hour and a half with Toby on Tumblr. Eventually, we moved to the desktop because the laptop was making our backs hurt. I taught him the few tricks and skills I've picked up over the years, as well as how to post and reblog, who to follow and who not to follow, and how to get followers. Together, we created an appropriate name and design for his new blog. I explained to him that he needed to wait a while before he started getting followers.<br>"Yeah…but waiting's not really my thing. What about if we tweet the name of my blog out?"  
>That's exactly what ended up happening. We made a large portion of the audience very happy, and he gained about a thousand new followers after twenty minutes. While we were sitting at the desktop, Toby suggested that he record some gameplay for TobyGames. I sat beside him while he did, and had to hold my breath on multiple occasions to keep from laughing out loud. In the middle of a Minecraft episode, he started talking to me,<br>"Why are you so quiet all of a sudden, Belly. I demand you speak!"  
>"But I thought you didn't want to have my voice in your videos for this channel," I responded, "I've been holding in my laughter and remarks. It's TobyGames, not TobyandBellyGames…"<br>Toby froze. He paused his game and spun his deskchair around to face me. He had an expression on his face that screamed, you might have something, there! I knew exactly what was coming next. I knew exactly what was coming next as soon as the words left my mouth.


	15. Chapter 15

"Dude. DOOOOOD. We should start a gaming channel, together! Everybody already loves you for saving my life, so that would be a hit! We'll just get a bunch of two-player games and suck at them on the same channel! YES!"  
>A couple minutes later, we were sitting in Convertibuscus, on our way to Gamestop. We had chosen four new games to play and were both very excited.<br>"Got a name yet?" Toby asked. "C'mon, you're the creative one."  
>"I've actually been thinking about that," I perked up, "I'm sure a cool name will come to me, but I haven't thought of one yet…"<br>Four hours passed by so quickly. We got our games, went home, and recorded about twenty episodes in total, or so. I don't think you understand how remarkably addictive that is. Video games on their own are very addictive, but when Toby is beside you making you laugh your ass off every time he opens his mouth, you never want to stop playing. I remember my face started to hurt after a half hour, and my cheeks went numb after an hour. Personally, I find Toby's job to be one of the best you could possibly find. His job is to make kids laugh. That's what he does for a living. Every day – every single goddamn day – all the audience members around the world get home from school, if they had an awesome day or a terrible day, and watch Toby's Lazyvlog and gameplay. Every day, Toby makes hundreds of thousands, sometimes even millions, of kids around the world laugh and smile and feel good about themselves. Imagine if that was your job. Imagine if somebody paid you to do that. Not only do I believe that the man I lived with that summer is the most hilarious and most attractive man on the face of the earth, but he is also the luckiest man on the face of the earth.


	16. Chapter 16

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOO. NO. NO. NO. Aha. No. God DANGIT." Toby and I screamed while avoiding cursing, together. We had been stuck on the same scene for about an hour now, and we kept dying.  
>"Can we pause? I'm hungry." I complained. When we stood up, I realized that it was pitch black outside.<br>"What time is it?" I wondered out loud. When I wandered into the kitchen, I found the time on the stove.  
>"TOBY. It's 3am. Lord."<br>"Okay, don't eat anything sweet then. We should go to bed."  
>I grabbed a handful of Ritz and a glass of milk and stumbled down the hall until I lazily slumped into the door of my room.<br>"G'nite." I mumbled.  
>"I'll be in in a minute," Toby was way too loud for 3am. I guess he was still hyped up over the game. I turned the doorknob and practically fell into my room. Usually, I watch videos before I go to sleep to calm me down for the night, but I couldn't be anymore calm, so I didn't bother that night. Instead, I actually picked up one of the two books I packed in my suitcase that had been sitting on top of my dresser for two weeks. Wow. I've already been here for two weeks? It feels like just yesterday I was shot in the hip… I felt my eyes start to close after three pages of the book, when Toby walked in. It was obvious by the way that he slumped into the room, that they energy left over from the game had worn off and the exhaustion had soaked in.<br>"Belly," he smiled, "I wanted to tell you something before you fell you asleep." I suddenly forgot I was tired and sat up in my bed. I really wanted to hear this. "We're going to have a very exciting day tomorrow. It's going to be a long day, so please sleep in. As long as you can. Trust me. You'll want to." He blew me a kiss, giggled and closed the door behind himself.


	17. Chapter 17

I stood there on the glossy hardwood floor of the theatre. I had been standing up for way, way too long and both my legs were starting to fall asleep, but I didn't care. I felt a tear start to trickle down my left cheek while I watched Toby perform on the stage in front of me. Never did I ever think that I would be standing backstage watching Toby Turner sing and play his guitar for an audience of four thousand people. It turned out that the 'long day' Toby was referring to the night before was the first day of his tour. He had been planning a comedy tour for about a month, and didn't start to share with anyone until last week. He hadn't mentioned it to me in the hopes that it would be a nice surprise. Which obviously worked out well, I had only been on Tumblr and Youtube in the last week. I wasn't in any of the Lazyvlogs because I was working on projects like CWF editing or replying to the tweets of many curious teenage girls, wanting to know what it's like living with Toby. I watched Toby walk over to the keyboard after making the audience giggle at something. He sat down on the stool set up for him, and closed his eyes. The crowd went dead silent. He started to play an unfamiliar tune on the keys and broke out into a soft humming. He backed away from the mic and chuckled to himself. What is he doing? It was only when he made eye contact with me from across the stage that I noticed my intense stare. I was just deep in thought, trying to think of the song he was trying to perform. Toby raised his hand and waved me on stage. I widened my eyes and shook my head. I didn't want to go out there. I was crying, so my makeup was probably running, and I'll bet my eyes were red, too.  
>"Oh c'mon!" He said into the microphone. I shook my head harder this time. "Who wants to see Belly, guys?" Suddenly, screaming. Yelling. Hooting. Clapping. I heard someone shout my name, then another person, then another, then another, until it turned into a chant. On and impulse, my hand flew up to my mouth, again. A lady who worked at this place with a headset on came and stood beside me with a huge grin on her face. She shoved me a little, and I went..<p> 


	18. Chapter 18

"BELL-EE. BELL-EE. BELL-EE. BELL-EE." I let my hand fall from my mouth to my hip. I couldn't cry anymore, I was in shock. I'd been crying way too much lately, maybe I just ran out of tears to shed. I stood at the far left side of the stage, barely visible to the crowd. I took a deep breath, looked over at Toby who was still waving me on, and took a step forward. Then another. And another. And another and another and another, until the audience's cheers had doubled in volume. I was looking from face to face in the crowd, observing the joy on everyone's face. I would be joyful, too, if I was in the front row of a Tobuscus concert. I broke out into a smile, but when I looked over at the beautiful man at the keyboard, I knew his smile was bigger than mine. His eyes seemed to be watering a little, as well. He moved the stool he was sitting on back as he stood up, got out from behind the keyboard, and flung his arms open for a hug. I perked up at the thought of the epic hug I was about to give him. I flew across the stage and hurled myself up onto him. I wrapped my arms and legs around his torso and squeezed. I heard the crowd get even louder, behind me. After ten more seconds or so, he shuffled back behind the piano and sat down on the stool again. I rolled over so I was sitting beside him as he leaned into the microphone. I remember his expression so well. His mouth was curled into a heart-warming, ear-to-ear grin, and his eyes were glossed over with tears of joy.  
>"Maddy is my savior." Toby's voice went serious, "I wouldn't be talking to you right now if she wasn't such a brave, selfless girl. And as an added bonus, look at how beautiful she is!" The front row of the crowd was reaching their arms toward Toby and I, their fingers stretching and wiggling as they all focused on Toby's face as he spoke. I shoved Toby a little with my forearm and looked down at my knees. He managed to stretch his smile even bigger, as he softly took my jaw in his big palm and pulled my head toward his. He pressed his lips against my temple and held them their while the crowd aw'ed. I closed my eyes and put a hand on his knee. He drew away and very suddenly broke out into song. It was Too Late, Windows 7. I recognized that one right away. In fact, that was the song I was listening to when Griffin notified me that he had been in the shower for a half hour. Thinking about all this made my tears come back. I squeezed my hand around his knee, looked out into the crowd and smiled. I smiled because I was so, so happy. Happy to be alive and happy that Toby was alive. When Toby finished the song, he held the last note for much longer than originally written and his voice was shaky. I blew a kiss out to the audience and they all mimicked my gesture. Toby grabbed my hand really tightly. He and I scuffled sideways away from the keyboard, raised our linked fingers toward the sky, and bowed.<p> 


	19. Chapter 19

After an hour of hugging and kissing and signing and shaking hands and making small talk with the fans you bothered to stick around, Toby and I sluggishly made our way towards the taxi we ordered. He opened the door for me and I gave a jokingly huge grin and fluttered my eyelashes as I slid into the car. Toby greeted the driver with a "How's it going, man," and told him where to go. I knew the ride home was going to be at least forty-five minutes, and I knew I wasn't going to make it without falling asleep. It was two in the morning, and last night I had gone to bed at 3:30am. I guess Toby saw my eyes starting to close, because he slid his hand under mine and proceeded to wrap his arms around me. I lay my head against his chest and fell into a deep sleep.  
>I opened my eyes and found myself in my bed. It was light outside and I was no longer tired at all, but I was genuinely expecting to find myself in Toby's arms, still. I guess the fact that I had had two very late nights in a row mixed with maybe some PMS was the reasoning behind my sudden sadness. I sat up, alarmed to find myself in Toby's spare room again. I wanted to be with Toby, still. I was hurt and confused for no reason. I jumped out of bed and scurried down the hall in my fuzzy socks, grabbed hold of the doorknob to Toby's room to stop myself from sliding any further, and opened the door. There he lay, fast asleep, looking as calm and peaceful and happy as ever. I knew I really shouldn't, but I really wanted too, so I peeled the covers off his body to get in the bed. His eyes opened and he grinned, reached over and grabbed my waist and pulled me into the bed, and we both fell back to sleep.<p> 


	20. Chapter 20

That night, we had traveled fifteen minutes by taxi to get to the theatre day two of Toby's tour took place in. Just like the night before, I watched Toby do basically the same thing over again to a different crowd, including waving me on stage. But this time, I was prepared. I had prettied myself up; lots of makeup, hair waved, heelys on and most importantly, I was wearing my original Thunder Thursday shirt. It had been Sharpied to death by Toby's messy hand in late June, but it was the most beautiful hunk of fabric on the planet to me. I wasn't crying, although I was holding back, and I had kissed Toby's head when I went and sat down behind the keyboard with him this time, as opposed to the other way around.  
>After the show, Toby and I were invited to an after party at a club down the road from the theater.<br>"We'd love to go, but I should take Belly home to bed." I punched him in the arm as hard as I could.  
>"What am I, five years old!" I screeched, "You aren't my father, anyway!" "Okay. I'm sorry. You're right, babe. But I kind of need to go to bed, as well. Let's just go home."<br>The ride home was quiet. Not awkward, just quiet. I was half expecting Toby to pull me towards him so I could fall asleep again, but he never did.  
>"Belly?" I yanked my glace from the city out my window to Toby's face and nodded, "I really am sorry." He rested his hand on my knee, "I feel bad for embarrassing you in front of those people. You may only be fifteen, but you are more mature than me."<br>"You really want to go to that party, don't you?" I grinned at him. "Go, then!"  
>After spending the rest of the ride home convincing him that he does in fact want to go and that he doesn't need to worry about me, he agreed to leaving me in the house alone for the night while he went for a few hours. He came inside, took an Aspirin, changed his shirt, glugged some water, hugged me goodnight, and back out of the driveway in Convertibuscus.<br>It was 1am. I had my purple Nugget in a Biscuit shirt on, my hair pinned up, my makeup smudged, and had dug down deep into the snack cabinets. There were plenty of emptied wrappers scattered around my bedroom, some bouncing off the bed while I danced with my new headphones on. I seemed to be slightly high off Doritos, and was giggling and prancing around. I stopped in my tracks when I heard a faint noise coming from the other room. I paused my music and slid my headphones off. Something was wrong, I could feel it.  
>"Toby! Is that you?" I yelled. My heart was beating fast and loud.<br>"BELLLL AH!" Oh thank God, it's just him. I slipped out of my room and came to greet him.  
>"How was the party?" I smiled. I was, after all, in a weirdly good mood. "Boring, you weren't there. E'ryone kept askin' for ya, I had to say you weren't up for it."<br>"Are you drunk?" For some reason, seeing people drunk always makes me laugh, but I've seen Toby drunk in videos before, and it never looked like this. I wasn't amused, I was concerned.  
>"FUCK yeah, I am. Babe, I am SO drunk it's not even funny."<br>"No, you're right. It isn't. How much did you drink?"  
>"Dunno. Maybe…eight beers and some tequila?" I grabbed Toby's forearm and guided him to his room, shoved him onto his bed, pulled the covers over his body and pushed his head into the pillow.<br>"Go to sleep. Now. Please." I heard myself turning into a mother. Instead of rolling over and closing his eyes like I wanted him to, he grabbed my purple tee and pulled me into him.  
>"I love it when the woman wears the pantsss…" He giggled. His breath reeked of alcohol and his eyes were bloodshot. I tried to pull away from him, but he curled his arms around my waist and flipped us over so he had trapped me under his chest.<br>"TOBY! You're drunk! Stop it!" Toby pressed his forehead into mine and I waited for him to kiss me. Instead, he leaned into my chin and bit my bottom lip. "Let me go." I murmured. I didn't mean what I was saying anymore. Toby wasn't giggling, and I wasn't struggling. What the hell is going on..


	21. Chapter 21

Toby had my whole body pinned down to the bed. He wasn't that much bigger than me, but he was definitely heavier. I was trapped. He lay there, on top of me, nibbling at the skin on my neck and irrationally giggling.  
>"Toby, you really need to get off, me. Please. You're really, really, dangerously drunk."<br>"I know I am," he snarled in my ear. It sent an unpleasant shiver down my spine. I was going through an extremely confusing series of emotions. I knew that Toby would be regretting all this in the morning to extreme measures, so I knew I needed to stop him as soon as I could. But at the same time, the faded fangirl left in me from before the whole Vidcon incident was freaking the hell out. Pushing Toby off me would be going against all my instincts to do what I know is right. Just then, a sharp pain shot through the base of my neck. Toby had legitimately bitten me.  
>"Okay, Toby. Seriously, that's enough." I freed one of my hands and used it to push his face off my shoulder. His response was to flip over again, and take me with him. Somehow, he managed to get me to straddle him. I wanted to just lean in and kiss so bad, but I leaped up off the bed and sprinted toward the door.<br>"Where ya goin'? I thought you loved me…" Those last few words made me freeze. He's drunk, Maddy. He's drunk. Stop it. You can get away. Lock yourself in your room and deal with it in the morning. He'll be hung over and extremely apologetic in the morning. Billions of thoughts spun vigorously through my head. I couldn't decide how to respond to that. What if he went to bed, crying because I walked away implying that I actually don't love him?  
>"Toby Joe Turner." I spun around with a blank look on my face, "I love you more than any other human being on the planet earth. And I really do mean that. You probably aren't going to remember me saying this when you wake up in the morning, but I would take a bullet for you, and you know very damn well how true that statement is. How could you possibly ever doubt my love for you?" He was staring at me with big, green, glossy eyes. I didn't want to lose myself in them, so I looked down at my fingers, which were playing with the bottom of my shirt. "I need you to go to sleep now, babe. We'll speak in the morning. Please feel free to sleep in, and I'll help to nurse you back to health if necessary. Good night." I closed the door of his room behind myself, shuffled down the hall to my room, closed that door and stopped. I felt like all the life had been sucked out of me. I wanted to cry, but I was lost in thought. The things running through my head; the arguments I was having with myself. I couldn't hold back anymore. I needed to scream. I rushed over to my window, used what I thought was the rest of my strength to pry it open, and found a little more energy to take a deep breath and yell. The birds that had settled down for the night in the trees nearby flipped and scattered, as my mind was doing the same. I slammed the window shut and fell backward onto my bed. I didn't even get under the covers; I fell asleep at the foot of my bed, curled in the fetal position.<p> 


	22. Chapter 22

Waking up was painful. Let me just say this once; do NOT fall asleep in the fetal position. It hurts. I opened my eyes and my mind immediately focused on Toby. If he was still asleep or not, if he had woken up in the middle of the night and was sick in the bathroom, if he was still sick, if he needed help because he was stuck somewhere, if he never got to sleep at all, again with these endless thoughts. I knew I needed to go check on him right away, so I untangled myself from the throw at the foot of the bed and rolled over to sit up. I almost had a heart attack when I saw Toby on the ground. He was curled up in the middle of the rug, just like Griffin when he goes to sleep. It was adorable, but it took a couple of seconds for this to sink in. When did he come in? How come I didn't notice? Did he wake up in the middle of the night? Did he follow me to apologize but I fell asleep way too fast? Did he come in to check on me and collapsed? Oh my God, what if he came in because he needed my help, but couldn't wake me? This thought made me shiver. I reached out, grabbed his shoulder and pulled him onto his back so I could see his face. At first it was peaceful, but then it turned to panic. I had woke him up. I guess he was having a nightmare, because he sat up hyperventilating, then proceed to stand all the way up and moan in discomfort. I sat on the end of the bed, fully awake and sore from sleeping weird, watching Toby closely as he waddled in circles, rubbing his temples and groaning in different tones.  
>"Toby?" He fell on the bed beside me and rested his head in my lap.<br>"Help me, I'm dying," the way he spoke comforted me. It was Toby's normal voice. He was no longer drunk, nor serious. He used a bit of exaggeration to inform me that he was going to be okay, I could tell.  
>"C'mon, let's go get you some painkillers or something."<br>I sat across the table from him, examining him as he threw back the pills with a look of pain on his face, and downed an entire glass of water. He slammed the glass down on the table and rested his chin on his forearm so he was looking up at me from the table's surface.  
>"I remember, y'know." He smirked. "You said I wasn't going to remember, but I remember everything that happened. Surprisingly enough." I felt my face flush. What was coming next? "Your speech was beautiful. About how you would take a bullet for me? I'll never forget it. Even though I was massively drunk, it's still perfectly imprinted in my brain." He stood up from his chair and held out his arms for another hug. I followed through. He was really cozy warm. "I'm so, so sorry for everything. I hope you aren't hurt. Emotionally, or physically. Did I hurt you physically?" He pulled me back from the hug to see my face when he asked that question. It then occurred to me that Toby had bitten me last night, so hard that he could have potentially drawn blood. I didn't even check. I reached up to touch the base of my neck and moved my hair out of the way. Toby's eyes got wide and wild.<br>"I did THAT?"


	23. Chapter 23

Toby was really upset with himself. He walked around the house on his phone and didn't sit down for a half hour. It was really weird to see him like that. Usually he's being productive; it bugs him if he's doing nothing. He has to be recording or editing or tweeting or texting or talking or responding to comments and messages or something, but he was literally just flipping through the pages of apps on his iPhone while padding around the house.  
>At around twenty minutes into this strange state of his, I touched his shoulder and he ignored me. I would have gone into my room and put on my headphones like I usually do, but I was confused and upset by Toby. I didn't want him to hurt himself, and I wanted to be there for when he decided to start talking, again.<br>At the half-hour mark, it occurred to me that I hadn't even seen the state of my neck, yet. Could it really have been that bad? It doesn't really hurt that much…or maybe it does and it doesn't seem like it because of the constant pain in my hip. I got up off the couch and walked over to the bathroom mirror. I didn't want to close the door because I didn't want to be isolated from Toby. I pulled my orange hair back off my shoulder and gasped. I yanked my Nugget in a Biscuit shirt off to get a better look. It was a black-ish purple ring with little scabs dotting its outline. He really had drawn blood. My eyes went from focusing on my shoulder to focusing on the man in the doorway. I could see him in the mirror. Toby was staring at my wound with an upsetting expression on his beautiful face. If Toby is anything but happy, it makes me want to curl up into a ball and never wake up. I turned around - in my bra - to face him and said,  
>"Please don't be so sad. Break out of this funk you're in and forget about it. You weren't being you. You were drunk. It isn't even your own fault." He leaned against the door frame and slid down to the floor. I just watched a grown man melt into a mess on the floor. It isn't a nice sight. Society has made us believe that men aren't meant to cry or really show any emotion at all. They must be tough and strong, all the time. No matter what happens. But Toby didn't even care anymore. He was awkwardly sprawled across the wooden floor of the hallway outside the bathroom with his eyes closed.<br>"I don't understand." I took a step closer to him, "It isn't even that big a deal. I didn't even notice it." He sat up so quickly, I jumped a little.  
>"You don't get it do you?" He barked.<br>"No. I don't. I just said that. Please explain it to me."  
>"I'm supposed to be protecting you, Belly. I promised your parents that I would take care of you as if you were my own daughter and they trusted me. Then I left you home alone, came back hazardously drunk, attempted to FUCK you, and ended up not only emotionally scarring you, but literally scarring you, too. One day, I'd like to settle down. I would like to have a kid or two. I think it would be extremely rewarding – being a father. But how the hell am I supposed to father a child if I can't even take care of a fifteen-year-old for a couple of months? A couple of weeks, even. I am a terrible person. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life and I'm going nowhere. Do you get it now? Do you understand my pain?" I stood there blinking at him. Waiting for something clever to say to come to me, but it never did. The fact that Toby was staring at me in my bra started to soak in.<br>"Go sit on the couch. I'll be right there." I jumped over his body, slid into my room and closed the door. I took a second to press my face into one of my pillows and yell a little bit, then proceed to put on a new top; Fuck, Shut Up tee with a black Tobuscus hoodie. I took a deep breath and opened my door.


	24. Chapter 24

I stood tall, looking down at Toby on the couch. He didn't even bother to sit up; he was slumped into the cushions making him look even more depressed than he did when he was on the floor. I should try to give off positive energy. Maybe if I smile, he'll feel a little better. I sat down, cross-legged, with a huge, goofy grin on my face. He responded with a bit of a faint giggle, but it was worth it.  
>"Listen," I was about to attempt a deep, memorable speech to motivate him to get up and keep living. Here goes nothing… "Any girl would be lucky to have a father like you. More than lucky, actually, blessed. It would be a blessing; a gift from God. Yes, you made a mistake. You drank too much. But you don't do that often. It's not like you're an alcoholic. It just never occurred to you that it may harm me when you got home. You probably thought that I would be asleep and it wouldn't have been that big a deal, right?" He sat up and nodded. I seemed to have gotten him very interested in what I was saying, suddenly. "It's not your fault at all. You were just having fun. And another thing, if I was your child, you wouldn't have attempted to kiss me because I'd be related to you. But I'm just a girl you met at Vidcon. I'm not related to you in any way, and you knew that deep down in your mind. I know you would never do that to your daughter. So this is not something you need to worry about." I spoke in short, stuttered sentences and slowly got less and less confident in myself, "You are a wonderful, beautiful, perfect man and I can't believe you would ever think otherwise. How could you question that? And I need t-you…to, I…Toby, please I…" I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't make sense anymore, I had upset myself too much. I looked up at his expression to see if it had improved, and I saw a big smile. Relief flooded my mind and I started to shake.<br>"Aw, shhhhhh…" Toby took my head and put it against his shoulder. I tucked my arms into his chest like I've done before and slowly started to breath normally again. I felt his lips touch my hair near my ear.  
>"Thank you." He whispered it so softly, it was enough to put me to sleep. He pulled his hand up from the couch and brushed my hair away from my face, my forehead still rested on his shoulder. He dug his nose into my temple and breathed into my ear. I waited for him to whisper something sweet…<br>"BLESS YO FACE, GURL." I sprung up from my rest, startled as hell, and punched him in his arm until we both started to laugh hysterically.

.


	25. Chapter 25

At my first slumber parties, all my friends would be crying before they went to sleep because they'd miss their parents. They'd call them from the house's landline and kiss them goodnight through the phone. On the first day of kindergarten, everyone around me was screaming, holding on to their parent's legs. Not me. I was always excited to try new things like school, and sleeping at friends houses and going to birthday parties and fairs. I've never been homesick. I almost never miss my parents or my sister. But today was the one month mark from when I left them at the airport. My parents were smiling, but my sister was crying. And my only two friends had come to see me off as well; I could see a tear or two in their eyes, as well. But I was so excited, I was shaking. I was the one going off to California with my favourite person on the planet for two months.  
>Now, I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and crying, like a normal four-year-old. I was homesick for the first time in my life. Tears streamed down my face as I thought of my sister and my best friends' faces as I waved goodbye and walked off with Toby. I missed them to death and I still wasn't going to see them for another whole month. Part of the reason I was crying, was also the fact that a whole month flew by faster than I have ever experienced. This amazing adventure was already halfway done. One more month, I'll be home. Sure, it'll be nice to reunite with my friends and family, again, but then what? I'll go back to my boring, unimportant life. Nobody notices me at school. Nobody cares about me. I think, deep down inside, I really jumped in front of that bullet because I knew that if I died, like five people would care. If Toby died, three million people would care. Makes sense. I was trying very hard to not cry out loud. I wanted more than anything right then, for Toby to not hear me. It was 12:30am, and I could hear him clicking and typing still. But after a while, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I tried covering my mouth; I couldn't help but whimper. I listened very carefully. The typing stopped. Complete silence. I whimpered again. I was seriously kicking myself, hard. There was some shuffling on the couch. Quick, quiet footsteps echoed though the hall. Then came a knock on the door.<br>"Babe, are you crying?" I couldn't answer. If I opened my mouth, I knew that slurred, snotty grunts would come out instead. He opened the door a crack and peeked through. I looked at him for a moment, then hid my face behind the throw that hung over my shoulders. Toby closed the door behind himself and walked over to the bed. I waited a few minutes, but nothing else happened. I thought maybe he had left, so I looked up to check. Sure enough, he was standing with his arms folded, looking down at me from beside my bed. He leaned down and scooped me up in his arms. He sat on the bed, and cradled me like a baby until I was ready to tell him why I was crying.  
>"What you don't get, Belly, is that it's only just begun. Do you think that I'm going to send you home at the end of August and forget about you? I've fallen in love with your adorableness, and I am never going to let you go.".<p> 


	26. Chapter 26

Toby had left about an hour ago, but I still couldn't sleep. I wanted to talk to someone, but I didn't know who. Everyone was asleep, especially since my friends and family are three hours ahead. I sat up in my bed and went through my contacts. The first time I passed her name, but the second time I went through them I saw it. Justine Ezarik. I clicked on it and it took me to her info. I didn't even notice, but when she put herself in my phone, she had written a little message in the bio section.  
>Please call me whenever necessary, Belly. It's the least I can do for you for saving one of my best friends .I smiled and tapped her name. I put my phone to my ear and listen to the phone ring six times. Just as I was about to give up, she picked up.<br>"Hello?"  
>"Justine? Did I wake you?"<br>"I'm sorry, hun. Who is this?"  
>"It's Bel…Maddy." I heard ruffling, footsteps, then a door slam.<br>"Baby, hi! Are you okay?"  
>"I'm really sick. I can't sleep, and I can't stop thinking about home."<br>"I'll be right there." She hung up. I didn't want her to physically come to our house! I just wanted to talk to her over the phone! I needed someone to offer me comforting words, that's all.  
>After ten minutes of staring into the darkness, my ears perked up at the sound of a fingernail on glass. My head spun toward the window and I reached over to grab the curtain. She had her hands in her jean pockets and a huge grin on her face. She motioned to open the window.<br>"What are you doing here?" I asked, "You didn't have to come all the way over to our house! I just wanted to talk!"  
>"Yes but that's not good enough when you're homesick. You've been separated from your family for an entire month, now, and that's painful for a fifteen year old girl. I need to take your mind off home by physically taking you somewhere. That's the best way to distract. Now come on, let's go for a drive, shall we?"<br>She rolled her windows all the way down, and the coolish California air felt so good. It was almost as if I hadn't actually had a chance to take a breath in a while, and this was my first one since June. Which, in a metaphorical sense, was partially true. I had not once been bored since I got here. I'm always busy with something, even if it's just responding to tweets. Which are not all kind, by the way.  
>"Where are we going?" I smiled at Justine in the driver's seat.<br>"You'll see!" She sang back to me.  
>Another twenty minutes of yelling the lyrics to songs from her playlist and giggling at the weirdest things went by really quickly. She pulled into a rocky parking lot, surrounded by trees. We both hopped out of the car without saying anything. She indicated that she needed me to follow her and we weaved through the trees. Suddenly, my mind clicked and I realized that I could hear waves splashing on the shore. Sure enough, there it was. The ocean. It was beautiful at night. The stars reflected off the water and glowed like I'd never seen before. And the smell of the salt intruded my senses as I welcomed it, gladly.<br>"There she is!" A man came out of nowhere and put his big warm arms around me. I knew who it was immediately, simply because of Toby's distinct scent. Glee flowed though me as I gave Justine the biggest smile I could manage and closed my eyes. The sound, the smell, the warmth of the arms; everything was suddenly perfect again.


	27. Chapter 27

Days had gone by like minutes. Before I knew it, I was sitting on a stool at Jack's house staring out into the small crowd of Youtubers playing with his Connect at the TV. I had a faint smile on my face and a can of iced tea in my hand. The giggles and screeches from the crowd made me happy, but I was thinking, again. About my life and what I was going to do when I got home at the end of August. Just then, the face of a beautiful woman intruded my focus. She stuck her head right in front of my gaze and I laughed. Her name was Kate Elliott, or better known as Katers17 on Youtube. I had been in love with her for about a year at that point in time, and I found it hard to contain my excitement when I walked into Jack's house that evening. The people I recognized who showed up were Katie, Cory Williams, Sean Klitzner, Justine, Toby and I, and of course Jack. There were lots of other people who were still strange to me, but when Toby and I walked through the door, everyone started to yell. It was quite overwhelming, but at the same time, very thrilling. I got masses of attention and appreciation for my "bravery," and "courage," and plenty of hugs and kisses and thank-yous.  
>"You're either upset or just thinking really hard," Kate smiled at me.<br>"A little bit of both," I responded, still trying to shake the trance I was just released from. She put her drink down on the counter and sat in the stool beside me. She asked if I wanted to talk about it, so I did. It only took me a couple minutes, but this was the third person I had bothered about the same issue within the same week. I felt kind of bad so I switched the topic.  
>"What have you been up to, lately, Katie?"<br>"Oh no. Don't start that."  
>"Start what?" I was honestly, really confused.<br>"Small talk! I don't need to small talk with you, I feel like I already know you enough."  
>"Enough to what?" I still didn't really know what was going on.<br>"Enough to pull you onto the dance floor!" She yelled. She hopped out of her stool and grabbed my forearm. She had yelled loud enough for everyone in front of the Connect to hear and they all started cheering. Toby, who was taking his turn to play Just Dance, moved out of the way and Cory gave me a little push. I took up Toby's turn, laughing at myself the entire time. When the song was over, Toby threw me over his shoulder in celebration of my four-star win, and ran out to the garden. That was the last night I remember being homesick in the slightest.


	28. Chapter 28

Just because we felt like it, Toby, Justine and I recreated the night on the beach. We all went back a week later at the same time, around 1am-ish, and just relaxed.  
>When I was eleven years old, my doctor told me that I have an extremely unhealthy habit of standing on one leg, and using the other to balance. I told him that I would break this habit by putting equal amounts of weight on each leg, but I didn't even try. I was sort of wishing I had tried to break this habit at this moment. Something happened to my hip while Toby held me in his arms. For the first time in weeks, my hip genuinely hurt me more than normal. I was just begging that it wasn't bleeding. Luckily, it wasn't, but it was very red. Similar to when I stayed in the fetal position for too long after our flight back from visiting my family, but a little bit worse. Any normal person would panic and rush to the hospital, but Toby simply lay down with me on the sand and cupped his hand over my inflamed scar.<br>"It's such a nice night, I feel like dancing." Justine announced from beside me. She hopped up from beside me and danced to no music. Toby and I were both giggling. He sprung up and joined her and after a few seconds, I had lost it. You should have seen the way they were moving. It was amazing. They started to shuffle toward the ocean until their feet were wet. I watched them stop and turn to look out over the sea. I saw their lips moving, but they were much too far away for me to hear them anymore. What I did hear, though, was rustling behind me. It was coming from the woods. Please be a squirrel. Please be a squirrel. Please be a squirrel. I turned around very slowly with my hands gripping the sand way too tightly. It wasn't a squirrel; it was the worst possible outcome. Of course.  
>"NO! DON'T HURT THEM." I screeched at the two men who had just pounced out of the bushes, both equipped with shotguns. I knew there was something terribly wrong with lying on the beach in the darkness by myself with no ability to walk - let alone run - at 1:30 in the morning.<br>"Oh, okay!" cackled the taller man. He had the most disgusting smile I had ever seen. He could have easily been 6'5'', and not in a good way. Not in the way male models are built, but tall and lanky and gross. I stood up from the sand and fell back down again. Fucking hip!  
>"Oh my goodness! Are you injured? That's a shame…" The shorter man behind him pounced on me and I freaked.<br>"TOBY! TOBY! TO-" The man gagged me with what seemed to be, a shred of fabric. Like, a piece that had been ripped off a shirt, or something. I didn't even know if Toby could have heard my cry. He was playing in the ocean a hundred meters away. But sure enough, when I turned to look, both he and Justine were sprinting faster than I had ever seen them run. Justine started to scream. The tall man smirked at this. I felt the guy who had me gagged's hand on my stomach. I tried to scream, 'DON'T,' but it came out something more like, "HUNGPH!"  
>"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Toby hollered from a few feet away. I watched the tall man whip out his gun and aim at Toby. Both Justine and I were screaming now. Toby put his hands in the air.<br>"What. Do. You. Want." He repeated.  
>"Take a wild guess, dumbfuck." The man gagging me mumbled. Toby raised an eyebrow and took out his wallet. He threw it on the sand in front of me. I looked up at him with big, saddened eyes.<br>"The slut, too!" Justine hung her head and threw hers next to Toby's. The guy let go of me and drove my head into the sand.  
>"You can keep the gag." He hissed in my ear. I shivered. He snatched up the wallets and they made a run for it, back through the woods. Justine attacked me with hands and questions. She pulled me up out of the sand and yanked the gag off. She touched my hip, then my brow, then my mouth, then my cheeks.<br>"Are you okay! Did they hurt you! Did he touch you? There's a mark on her mouth! TOBY! There's a mark on her mouth! TOBY?" I looked up at Toby. He had one of his arms wrapped around his waist, clenching his fingers into his side, and the other hands had a hold of the bottom of his face. It was a little too dark to see, but I knew there were tears. I could tell by the rest of his body, that he was crying. Whenever someone I love cries, I cry too. Even if I have no idea why they're crying. So, just like that, I burst out into tears. Then Justine. Then Toby melted to the ground. It was a mess. It might as well have been on the Y&R. I stretched my body out across the sand and touched Toby's shoulder. Before I knew it, I had been tossed into his lap, again. And Justine came to hug us both. It must have been a strange sight from afar. A grown man, a grown woman, and a teenage girl in one big lump in the sand in the pitch black at 1:30am in the morning, bawling into each other.  
>I was home again. I had gotten exactly three hours of sleep that night, and lay on the couch mindlessly staring at the TV for the whole rest of the day. I wasn't keeping track of the time, but it was already dark outside again, when Toby came in.<br>"I've done some thinking. You need to go home." I sat up so quickly, I got dizzy and had to stop for a second, but then proceeded.  
>"WHAT? Why?" I demanded.<br>"You have been here less than six weeks. You have almost died twice. I have almost died twice. Plus, I almost took your virginity. You need to leave, you can't stay here, anymore." I stared and stared and stared until my eyes glossed over and I was crying. Again. My head hurt from all the crying last night, already, so this was just painful.  
>"Please don't make me go home," I whined into my palms, "It'll get better. I know it will."<br>"Okay, Belly, I'm sorry. Maybe that was a little harsh-"  
>"You PROMISED. YOU PROMISED that you would never forget about me. You said that! AND I BELIEVED YOU." His emotionless face turned to deep sadness almost instantaneously. He waddled over to the couch, kneeled beside me, and sat on his calves.<br>"Listen, hun. Please just hear me out." I glared at him and waited for more. "You mean more to me than anyone else in the world. I mean that. I know I've said this before, but you're like my daughter. And if I actually had a daughter, she would definitely be above everyone else. And she would absorb some of my awesomeness from living in the same house as me, and hopefully pass that on to her daughters. That's how this is going to work, okay? I need you to be strong, and move on. I can't take care of another human properly, right now, apparently. I thought I could, but I would never, ever forgive myself if I let something happen to you. Just because I'm sending you home early does NOT mean that I do not care about you. At all. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Don't you ever let yourself believe that you are not loved, because you are so greatly loved by not only your friends and your family, but also me and my friends and my family and my audience. We all want you to be safe and happy. And you will visit again. This is not the last time you'll see me, I promise you that. After about ten minutes after you leave, today, I will miss you to the point of emotional pain, I know I will."  
>"Today?"<br>"Hm?"  
>"You said, 'after I leave, today…'"<br>"I booked your flight already. Unfortunately, you don't get a say in this particular situation. I'm sorry hun."  
>Yes, I am aware that I embarrassed Toby at the airport, but I don't really care right now. He put me on a plane by myself with only a flight attendant to take care of me, and sent me home. I wanted to make a point. I wanted him to see just how fucking upset I was. I didn't want to go home to my boring, miserable, painfully plain life. Nobody there loves me as much as Toby did. And Justine. And even Kate and Jack. And the audience. I miss them already and I had only boarded twenty minutes ago. I slept the rest of the way there. Screaming and bawling in public really takes a lot out of you.<br>It was my first day back from California. I lay on my bed in my sweats from the plane with nothing unpacked. I had said nothing to my family when they came to pick me up. I didn't even bother to smile at them. I just let them hug me and kiss me and plopped myself in the car, then slept the night away. I decided to make myself get up. I found that both my father and my mother had gone to work, and my sister had left me a note of the fridge that said she went out with her friends. It also said, "Sorry about everything," at the end of it. I knew what I wanted to do.  
>I ran upstairs and dumped all of my clothes out of my suitcase and dug. It seemed like I was digging through everything for a half hour before I found it. It was crumpled and needed washing, but I just didn't care right then. I didn't care about anyone or anything right then. I slipped on my Thunder Thursday shirt, grabbed my phone and my keys, and ran. I ran and ran and ran until I was out of breath, then I ran some more. Eventually, I got to the school. The teachers were already starting to set up their classrooms and learn about the upcoming units for the New Year, so it was open. I snuck into the building, curled around each corner and tiptoed across each hallway until I found it. The bathroom near to my old locker. I slipped in through the door and stopped. I was panting and sweaty and smelly and dirty. I still smelled like airport and my eyes were all puffed up from all the recent crying. I stood and looked in the same mirror as the week before my exams. My birthday. On my birthday, I stood in this exact spot and stared into this exact mirror with this shirt on. Well, not the exact same shirt; that one got ruined. I looked at all the Sharpie scratches. Across the collar and the bottom and the sleeves and the middle and the bust. I remembered telling myself that I was going to get it signed in black Sharpie by Toby in a week. Never would I ever have even dreamed that I was going to get it scratched up this much. I had an amazing adventure with Toby this summer. Yeah, sure, it got cut short, but it was only because he loved me, and he didn't want to see me get anymore hurt than I already had. And it only just occurred to me then, what he meant by, "What you don't get, Belly, is that it's only just begun. Do you think that I'm going to send you home at the end of August and forget about you? I've fallen in love with your adorableness, and I am never going to let you go." I saved Toby, and that will go down in history. I was famous, almost. I was in almost all of Toby's videos for a month and a half, so every audience member knows who I am and what I look like. I could start my own channel. I could still communicate with Toby and the audience through the internet. It's not like I'm never going to see him again, and you can't just leave the audience! They're everywhere, all the time. They're all over the world. We're, all over the world. Just then, as if on cue, my phone vibrated.<br>Toby Turner:  
>How u holding up? Personally, im bored out of my mind without u 3<p> 


	29. Chapter 29

It still hadn't sunk in. I don't think it ever will. My mind will never, ever get used to Toby Turner saying my name. He actually doesn't even say my name, now that I think about it. He calls me, "Belly." It's a play on my middle name, Isabella. But ever since school started up again after I got back from my insane adventure with him, I gained like, fifty friends who all call me that, as well. Sure, it scares me that they suddenly all loved me when they found out that I hung out with an internet celebrity for the summer, but I like to think that it just took that fact for them to notice me. I hope they actually like me for me and not for Toby, but does it really matter? I like going to school now because everyone is nice to me, regardless of the reasoning.  
>I sat there, in my bed with my little laptop camera pointed at my face. I'll be the first to admit, I have a habit of watching myself rather than the friend I'm Skyping with; I just need to make sure I look good, y'know? I Skype a lot, with a specific girl, so it's a pretty relevant problem. When I Skype with Toby, however, I never look at myself. I can never take my eyes off him; he's way too beautiful. And also, I can never wipe the smile off my face. Everything he says is hilarious, I swear to god. So you can imagine how I felt when he lowered his voice and got all solemn.<br>"In all seriousness, though, I have some bad news." I couldn't help but sink into my mattress a little bit more.  
>"W-what is it? Are you okay? Is everyone healthy? Good god, I didn't even ask…"<br>"No! Everyone's fine, you silly noodle," he giggled. Relief hit me hard.  
>"What is it then?"<br>"Um, well, I did do something for you for Christmas, but it isn't going to get to your house in time, I'm afraid…"  
>Oh my god, Toby. You gave me a freaking heartattack. I actually kind of forgot it was the day before Christmas Eve, despite the festive tree behind him. I guess his beauty was kind of distracting.<br>"I don't care! This call is good enough for me! I don't even have anything for you, actually. Here, have a puppy." I picked up my spaniel, Kay, from the foot of my bed and shoved her nose in the camera. I wondered if she would be able to recognize Toby's face on the screen…I seriously doubt it. But she fell head-over-heels in love with him when he came to visit in early July. She didn't leave him alone; she followed him around everywhere. Of course, Toby being the giant dog person he is, did not mind one bit.  
>"Hey gorgeous!" he griffin-voiced at her, "Who's my favourite doggy? Hm? Whoops…" he broke character. I watched him leave the frame, so I put my dog back in my lap.<br>"What happened?" I asked.  
>"I offended Griffin." Toby threw himself back into the chat with the little dog in his arms. "No seriously, he tried to get up and leave when I said that, HA. I'm sure it was just a coincidence."<br>We chatted until it was 1am for me. That's only 10pm for him, so he didn't realize how long he was keeping me, and sent me to bed as soon as he did. I couldn't sleep because as soon as I lay my head on my pillow, I had a thought. Toby had told me he got me something for Christmas, and I really, really wanted to know what it was. I had no idea when it was going to get here, but I had heard from a few of his friends that he is really good at giving gifts. I had kind of experienced this already, with the scratched up Thunder Thursday shirt as a get well gift, so it was killing me to know what he got me this time. I'll just have to be patient, I guess…

*~*~*~*~*~*  
>Christmas Eve was very relaxing. I did almost nothing all day. I lay around the house, ate, read, and thought some more about Toby's gift. At around 8:30pm or so, the doorbell rang. I got up off my bed to run to my window. When I little, I always had my stepping stool set up there, so I could look out the window to see who was at the door. I'm tall enough to not need the stool anymore, but I still love being nosey. To my surprise, I saw Santa at the door. I knew what that meant, immediately. In my town, the postmen work on Christmas Eve. As a little bit of a gag - if you will – they put on Santa suits so the little kids get to think that Santa is delivering their Grandma's gift to them, or whatever. I know this because I've seen it happen to my neighbours, and I was at my friend's house once when she got a gift from her boyfriend a couple years ago. But it had never happened to me. Of course, since my mind was completely set on something very specific, I assumed it must have been a gift from Toby, right away.<br>He told me that it wasn't going to make it on time. It can't be from Toby. But if it isn't from Toby, who's it from? Oh yeah! I keep forgetting that I actually have quite a few friends now, thanks to him. Maybe it's from one of them! Wait, maybe it isn't even for me. This is killing me, I'm just going to go see.  
>Of course, by the time I got downstairs, my mum had greeted the postman at the door. He was wearing the fakest beard I had ever seen. There was cheesy Christmas music blasting as I stood at the top of the stairs and watched my mum take the big box from his hands. She put it on the floor beside her stance, signed for it, and closed the door.<br>"Who's it from? Who's it for?" I screamed  
>"Calm down, Maddy! I don't know who it's from; they asked to keep it anonymous. But it's for you." My heart skipped like, ten beats.<br>"C-c-can I open it now?" Maybe it's from a boy at school…  
>"Sure, I'll call your dad and your sister." I watched her descend into the basement, and I flew down the stairs to my knees beside the box. It was a pretty big box; it was as tall as my shin, and it was coated in green and red plaid paper. My mum came back up from the basement with the other half of my family following closely behind. They all wore a huge grins on their faces while they sang along to the music playing on the stereo.<br>"Open it! Open it! Open it!" My sister hopped up and down. I gave her a smile and looked at my mum's face for a seal of approval. She nodded, so I carefully tore the pretty paper off the box. Underneath, there was a brown box with slits in the sides and a suspiciously sparse amount of tape. One single square in the middle of the four flaps at the top of the box held it together. I looked up at my family. They all had their hands up near their faces with the same huge grins. I looked down at the box again and drummed on the top of it to the music as I slowly pulled the square off; I wanted this exciting moment to last just a couple seconds more than it needed to. I yanked the flaps apart and was shocked to see what was inside.  
>"OH MY GOD!" My sister screeched. My mum had to hold her back from running to the package while she laughed out loud. There, at the bottom of this giant brown box, sat a white ball of fluff. I saw the romantic scene playing in my head. I'd get a text from a cute boy in a few minutes, asking if I got the puppy he sent me, then he'd show up at the door and kiss me Merry Christmas. I knew it was another dog as soon as I saw it, but my stomach completely flipped when the little white pup looked up at me. I recognized the face. I stopped breathing as I picked up the dog to confirm this sudden realization. He licked my face while I tried to pick up his tag. There, on his collar, definitely read, "Griffin." My mom gave a little bit of a peep of excitement, and ran to the door. No one had knocked or anything, but the postman stepped back in the house. He reached up and pulled that disgustingly fake beard off his face. There stood Toby, in my home, dressed in red and white. I watched his lip tremble and I squeezed Griffin harder while I tried to comprehend all this. I looked over at my mum who was ready to burst, waiting for my reaction. I couldn't help it, I broke down. I was a complete, sobbing mess. I stumbled over to him and nuzzled my face into his soft, red jacket. He had his forehead rested on top of mine while we just stood there, leaning into each other and bawling together. Griffin started to struggle, so I put him down. He and Kay flipped out at each other right away, so I giggled and went back to Santa's embrace.<br>"Stop crying, you're making me look even less manly than I already am." All five of us laughed. Toby's voice fell to a whisper as he murmured the words, "Merry Christmas, you nugget."


	30. Chapter 30

November 30th 11:40pm  
>This is all way too sickly familiar. Standing. Waiting. Hospital. Sick girl. My girl. My sick girl. She fell. That's all I know. She fell. She fell off a fucking motorbike. That's all I know. And so here I wait. I don't usually write but I need to right now, more than anything in the world and I don't know why.<p>

November 31st 1:12am  
>I fell asleep in this chair. I feel dead. I can't move properly. Everything is such a struggle – even getting up. The nurse told me there's no news on her, yet. She also brought me a croissant, but I took a bite and threw up in the trash can beside me.<p>

November 31st 3:32am  
>I thought I'd try sneaking down the hallway and peeking through the window of the door I saw them take her through. I shouldn't have done that. That was a big mistake.<p>

November 31st 7:11am  
>They let me see her for real, this time, because she woke up. When I walked into her room, her eyes got all big and shiny and she said to me,<br>"W-why are you here? What are you doing here?"  
>I watched a massive grin crawl across her face and her eyes tear up before the nurse pulled me back out of the room. I didn't get the chance to say anything to her. They told me not to go back in, today.<p>

November 31st 9:18am  
>The doctor walked into the waiting room they put me in and told me what was wrong with her. She has selective memory loss. But I still don't really understand her last words to me. She obviously remembered me. But maybe not her accident. Maybe she forgot she came for a visit. Yeah, that must be it, since she seemed so happy to see me.<p>

December 1st 5:23am  
>I was almost right. She did forget her bike accident. She did forget she's come to visit me. But she also forgot she jumped in front of a bullet for me. And she also forgot that she's my best friend. She thinks I'm the greatest person in the world, still. But in a fangirly way. Our relationship is gone. She is still here, though. Maybe they can get her memory back and she'll wake up in a few hours and remember everything again.<p>

December 1st 7:56am  
>I suggested my idea about trying to make her memory of me come back and he said he would if he could, but that isn't possible. I went to visit her again. I remember what she said perfectly, still, because it was so strange.<br>"Tobuscus…is that you? Am I dreaming?"  
>She called me Tobuscus. She called me Tobuscus. She called me Tobuscus. She's gone. She's gone, isn't she?<p>

December 1st 1:12pm  
>I fell asleep and had an idea in my dream. What if I could wake her up and show her the scar on her hip? Then maybe everything would come back to her? I'm going to try it.<p>

December 1st 2:48pm  
>I tried it. First, she forgot that I was in the building and freaked out at me when I walked through the door, again. Then, when I ignored her and went straight to her hip, she froze in shock that I was touching her. "What are you doing," she said. "Trying to get you to remember," I said. I brushed my thumb over her scar and her eyes were suddenly marbles. Big and shiny and perfectly round. She stared at the scar for a few seconds, then shifted her gaze to my hand, and ran it up my arm. "Do you remember?" I hoped out loud. "Yes," she gulped. A bullet did that, didn't it?<br>The doctor lied. It's not impossible.

December 1st 5:50pm  
>The nurse came in to feed Belly and was startled by my presence. She told me I was not to be in the room at this time of day, but Belly told her that it was okay, so she left. We talked the day away. I repeated memories we'd had together over the past few years so her memory could go completely back to normal again. Every once in a while, she would chime in with one of my stories and tell me something that she remembered that I forgot. My hopes would go up and up every time she did so. When the doctor came in a couple minutes ago for her exam, he told me I had to leave. "Don't forget, okay?" I told her. "I won't. I promise," she replied.<p>

December 2nd 4:33am  
>She forgot. I had to tell her everything all over again. But she remembered a few more bits of my stories, this time. So that's good. Maybe if I keep doing this every time she wakes up, she'll just remember everything one day.<p>

December 2nd 11:16pm  
>She forgot again. I told her everything again without getting frustrated in the slightest. I enjoy doing this. At least I get to see her and talk to her and hear her laugh like everything is okay. And sometimes, I really do believe that everything is okay.<p>

December 3rd 12:54am  
>The doctor is trying to tell me that she isn't doing well. Apparently, I'm supposed to prepare myself for losing her in the night. I'm not worried at all, though. Because Belly promised me that she'd remember. And so far, Belly had been more right, more often than this idiot doctor.<p>

December 3rd 5:50am  
>She called for me. The nurse ran in to wake me up because she called for me. She didn't ask for Tobuscus, either. She asked to see Toby. The doctor is wrong. We're going home this week, 100% healthy, doc. You wait and see.<p>

December 4th 6:50am  
>The nurse told me that it isn't healthy that I haven't had any fresh air since the accident. She suggested that I go for a walk to the market and buy myself breakfast while Belly is sleeping. I did just as she said, although, an apple was all I could manage to keep down. When I got back to the hospital, the doctor said that she "slipped away." He is wrong. Everything he says is wrong.<p>

December 4th 7:07am  
>I am sitting in a chair beside Belly's bed. Her face is pale, but I think she's still alive. She must be. The doctor is always wrong. She told me that she wouldn't forget. So she can't be gone, that's not even possible.<p>

December 4th 8:59am  
>I fell asleep with my head rested on her ribcage and her cold hand in mine. I dreamt of her. We were sitting on the couch, back home, and we were playing X-box. I put down my controller to watch her play, because she was smiling and laughing and I felt the need to see it. She turned her head, grinned, and said, "I didn't forget."<p> 


End file.
